Building a Forever Family "Healing the Parents"
“Then the Lord said to me, “Go and love your wife again, even though she commits adultery with another lover. This will illustrate that the Lord still loves Israel, even though the people have turned to other gods and love to worship them.” -
Hosea 3:1
As a prisoner for the Lord, then, I urge you to live a life worthy of the calling you have received. Be completely humble and gentle; be patient, bearing with one another in love.
-Ephesians 4:1,2 NIV
The “ME” culture of today has a simple way of laying blame on parents. If you are struggling it must be because your parents…
Shame-based? Your parents must have used guilt to rule you.
Don’t trust your own judgment? As a child, you must have been told your decisions were dumb or your feelings were wrong.
Can’t stick up for yourself? You got the message you weren’t important anywa
Parent-blaming can be subtle or direct
Adult children justify blaming their parents because
They lied
They betrayed
They protected the guilty
They abandoned us
They wounded us (physically, mentally, socially)
They refused to believe in us
Here is the truth: Parents are broken by sin. Parents that remain wounded, will wound others. Broken people have broken marriages, broken relationships with their children. So what can we do?
Throughout the Bible, the metaphor of marriage is used to illustrate the relationship between God and His people. For example, the book of Hosea portrays God’s unwavering love and willingness to forgive Israel despite their unfaithfulness.
“Then the Lord said to me, “Go and love your wife again, even though she commits adultery with another lover”
Hosea’s reconciliation with his wife, Gomer, serves as a powerful symbol of God’s desire to restore broken relationships. Healing a marriage involves healing a husband and a wife. Every one of us is broken by sin and we need forgiveness, restoration, and new birth.
· FORGIVENESS
· RESTORATION
· NEW BIRTH
Each of those actions of the Holy Spirit in our lives brings us to a place of internal healing and sets us on a path of divine purpose. In Ephesians 4:1,2 Paul describes himself as a Prisoner of the Lord. He admonishes the Ephesians to appropriate the Christian walk in their daily lives…
“Be completely humble and gentle; be patient, bearing with one another in love.”
Does this describe your marriage?
We struggle most in all these areas when WE become ME. It is no accident that Paul begins this list of Christian Characteristics with HUMBLE. (tapeinophrosynē)“Tap-Feno-Frasuna”:humility, modesty. This term refers to an attitude of humility. It expresses humility as a quality that stands in contrast to pride or arrogance. Christians serve the Lord with all humility
“Serving the Lord with all humility, with many tears and trials which happened to me by the plotting of the Jews;”
-Acts 20:19
Humility is the greatest form of self-awareness.
“When I look at the night sky and see the work of your fingers—the moon and the stars you set in place— what are mere mortals that you should think about them,
human beings that you should care for them?”
-Psalm 8:3,4
It opens the door for dethroning self and inviting the Lordship of Jesus Christ. In surrendering to the Lordship of Jesus Christ we receive forgiveness. But what we often do not understand about being forgiven is that now we can appropriate forgiveness…
We can forgive ourselves
We can forgive others
Forgiveness allows gentleness, patience and love to thrive. Healing parents heals marriages and sets the stage for a healthy home. Where do we start the process of healing? If you are a type A personality you may be saying, let’s get on with it where do I start?
· What book should we read?
· Is there a seminar we need to attend?
· Can you recommend a couple’s counselor?
I have met very few couples who did not want to improve their marriage. The biggest thing that should define you as a Christian family is your humility, not your perfection. Jesus didn’t ever ask us to have it all together. He just asked us to bring our brokenness to Him. In a world that appears like it’s falling apart at the seams, that’s great news! Despite the dysfunction, God can redeem your mess for His glory. He placed you in your family for a purpose.
God can take every mess and work it for our good. A house becomes a Home, a refuge for family when the parents open to the healing work of God. Only God can heal broken people.
HOW DO WE START…
Steps to healing:
Humble yourself before God
“So humble yourselves under the mighty power of God, and at the right time he will lift you up in honor. Give all your worries and cares to God, for he cares about you.”
-I Peter 5:6,7 NLT
2. Receive and Give Forgiveness
“Make allowance for each other’s faults, and forgive anyone who offends you. Remember, the Lord forgave you, so you must forgive others.”
-Colossians 3:13 NLT
3. Prioritize Worship
“Set your minds on things that are above, not on things that are on earth.”
-Colossians 3:2
Worship focuses our minds—and hearts—on eternity. It reminds us we are not of this world—we have an eternal home with Jesus, and that’s why we can feel we don’t belong here on this earth, especially when our priorities and convictions are those of Christ’s and that sets us at odds with the rest of this world.
To have a healthy church you must have healthy families. To have a healthy family you need healthy parents.