THE SEVEN YEAR ITCH...and other lies about Marriage

Last August the 5th Michele and I celebrated 31 years of Marriage. My marriage outlasted my parents who were divorced 3 months shy of 25 years. We have witnessed many marriages crumble over the years. Outside of my parents one of the most painful was that of two of my childhood friends who also were in the ministry. They separated after 20 years of marriage and divorced a year later.

We have seen many that end before the 10th year.

Culture calls this the 7-year itch syndrome. According to the theory the 7th through 10th year are when many call in to question their marriage and wonder if they might have missed something better in life. They believe they still have their looks, their alluring personality and find moments when they catch the eye of the opposite sex in such a way as to believe they still “Got it”. Whatever “it” is they do not know. The one they are married too knows what “it” is not and “it” is certainly not humility.

I love my wife so much. I can’t believe she is still in love with me. I catch myself starring at her when she is concentrating on something she is reading or otherwise deep in thought and does not realize that I am looking at her. I am captured by her, forever. We have three children together and 31 years later, I find her stunning.

In over 30 years as a pastor I have heard a number of excuses for divorce: “I do not love him/her anymore. We sort of fell out of love.”

Really??? Just like you fall out of a chair? Love is a choice not a feeling. Feelings come and go but you choose to love or you choose not to love.

Someone once told me: “we just grew apart and we had nothing in common”. No doubt but you can grow back together just like you grew apart. If you don’t want to, now that is another thing altogether. We are back to choices.

Someone once had the nerve to tell me “God brought another person into my life”. There you go that sounds like God…you know how He feels about marriage. He just loves to break up a family so He can start a new one. Stop lying to yourself! You made a choice. The whole idea here is that you may have married the wrong person in the first place and now you have found your perfect match. There are no perfect matches. Just two people under God that commit their lives to each other and it is a very beautiful thing, this thing called marriage.

In 31 years of marriage we have faced many challenges, temptations, struggles, hurts, sorrows, deep wounds. We have also embraced the joy, the rewards of lives shared, the security of faithful love, the wonder of mature love, the forgiveness of gracious love, the excitement of romantic love.

I will forever see her as my one true love. I choose her and she chooses me each day. The wedding was the beginning of “I Do”, each day after we made a decision to say “I Do” again and again and again.

God wants to heal broken marriages. Recognizing it will take both people to surrender their will for His will, God waits for you to make that decision. As the under shepherd here at the Grace Place, I want to help lead you back to Him so He can restore your marriage and give you what you long for in that marriage…”True Intimacy”.

“Heavenly Father, I ask you to heal marriages today. For those who are reading this post and know they need to surrender their lives to your Lordship/leadership, I ask you to call them to you. In this moment let the healing work begin. Cause both the husband and the wife to want what you want in their marriage. In Jesus name, Amen.

(If you are interested in marriage counseling at the Grace Place reach out to us at: connect@graceplaceaustin.com